I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
