Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
