i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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