You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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