You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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