one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
