so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
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you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
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Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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