so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
