Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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