I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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