it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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