I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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