I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
