Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
