I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
