I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
