OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
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Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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