hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
how does that bad decision feel?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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