Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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