did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I got inside last night via doggy door
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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