It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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