Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Randomize
