Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
they're like a gay fantastic four
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
