There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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