eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
