Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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