She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
