You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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