i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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