I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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