he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
