if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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