there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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