I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
