So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
