Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize