the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
