are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
