Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
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