Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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