Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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