i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
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