what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
