It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It's official drugs can't kill me
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
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