I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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