I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
