I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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