Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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