I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
