If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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