So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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