i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
