Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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