So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
