i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Vodka?
Forever.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
