all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
