I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
