yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize