even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
