I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
