Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
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