Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
