Don't you send me to vm
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
