She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
